So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
i need some magic done to my vagina
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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