All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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