I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
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I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
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Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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