Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
