I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize
