a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
