Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
