If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I want a musical about memes.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
