I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
