great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Randomize
