He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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