i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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