its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
