Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
whose ass print is on the piano?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
