remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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