evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
