So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
