You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
