What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
