Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
