Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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