its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
