He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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