After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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