you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Oh god it's open bar.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
