Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.