In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
