There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.