Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.