We need to rekindle our bromance
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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