ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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