can we get nightvision for the apartment?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It was confusing and full of hummus
25 People Confess The Sex Acts They Were Super Ashamed Of
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.