Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
