dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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