Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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