do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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