discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
