We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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