3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
