Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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