Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
