I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
