Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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