i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
operation have a gay friend backfired
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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