They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You need a sexual gate keeper
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
