I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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