btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I skipped work to stalk him.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
