You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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