I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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