Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
