I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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