I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
