It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
