who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
