Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
