I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just gargled with NyQuil
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
