I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
