Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
