I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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