Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
