So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
