im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
