apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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