I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
