I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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