I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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