I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
