i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
