i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
