last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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