He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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