I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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