All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We don't watch enough power rangers
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
