so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
