Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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