Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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