I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
