Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize