I think i peed on brittanys purse
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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