i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
