She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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