Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
