Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
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I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
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I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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